Starting Over
by Dr Death DST
Summary: Two years after the Destroy ending, the combined fleet is still stuck in Earth's orbit as they try to repair the Charon relay. Ashley is busy heading the new spectre HQ on Earth when Shepard finally awakes in a London hospital. Unable to accept the aftermath of her decisions, Shepard withdrawls from society and it's up to Ashley to bring her back.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is post destroy with one alteration, Normandy doesn't crash on a random planet. Even with the EC, they still wouldn't be able to leave that system until the relay was fixed and I doubt the Normandy crew could do it by themselves. I really wish I'd stop analyzing the ending.

Two years after Jane Shepard miraculously saved the entire galaxy, the combined fleet was still stuck in Earth's orbit. Every race worked on the badly damaged mass relay in hopes of going home soon. In the meantime a new council was set up in Vancouver. Some humans viewed this as an alien occupation but it was necessary to keep peace among the various species.

The new council complex was constructed using pieces of destroyed dreadnaughts. The massive area it occupied included embassies for each race and a spectre headquarters. Ashley Williams was stationed there and put in charge of Earth based operations. Being the only human spectre alive, the council thought it politically prudent for a human to lead the Earth department.

Ashley had an apartment within the complex. After work she walked home taking in the cool September breeze. The sounds of laughter and pleasant chatter filled the night air as humans and aliens alike entered local bars. The reaper war had truely brought them together. Ashley was more realistic and knew the peace wouldn't last forever. At some point the lessons of the reaper war would be forgotten. Until then she was content to see everyone getting along.

Her apartment was located in a ten storey building just down the street from the council office. The lobby was lush with decor and plant life and the apartments were spacious. The standard fare one would expect for diplomats, ambassadors, and council spectres.

Up on the third floor Ashley ran into her asari neighbor, Cassea. She was a fellow spectre, much older than Ashley yet had only been a spectre for a year. Like most asari she was slender, beautiful, and had a purplish skin tone. At the moment she was dressed casual in clothes from Earth, tight jeans and a tank top. Upon seeing Ashley she smiled saying, "Hi Ashley... uh, I mean ma'am."

Ashley grinned as Cassea clicked her heels and saluted the lieutenant commander. "At ease, listen Cassea, you don't have to salute me every time we see each other in the hallway."

"Sorry," said Cassea.

"Nice work by the way in handling those Blood Pack mercs," said Ashley patting Cassea on the shoulder. Cassea was one of a few alien spectres allowed to operate on Earth but every mission had to be green lighted by Ashley. That way if some Terra Firma type humans complained, the council could point their fingers at Ashley. One more reason for her to hate politicians.

"Thanks, I just hope we can find a solution to the turian problem," said Cassea refering to a growing food crisis among the dextro races. The quarians had live ships that could generate food for their entire population while the turians did not. In the begining the quarians gladly shared their food but the extra mouths to feed were putting a strain on their supplies.

"Not much we can do about that. Our only job is to make sure people don't start profiteering off of the food shortage," said Ashley then turned to her door opening it with a special encoded device on her omni-tool. "Have a good night Cassea."

"Wait a second," said Cassea abruptly. The LT stopped and looked at her directly. Cassea admired her commander as well as her accomplishments alongside the famous Jane Shepard. Working under her only solidified her admiration. Ashley could be intimidating at times which made her offer difficult to squeak out. "I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink with me."

Ashley raised an eyebrow at Cassea. She looked so cute and hopeful at that moment. That was when Ashley realized she hadn't been on a date in over five years. Still that answer was, "No, I can't. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Okay," sighed Cassea as Ashley closed the door behind her.

Unzipping her blue Alliance jacket, Ashley tossed it onto the nearby couch. The living room and kitchen were open areas only seperated where the carpet turned into tile. She strided across the room grabbing a light beer from the refridgerator. Flopping down on the couch, Ashley cracked the beer open and turned on the news. The beer was cold and tasted like heaven after a twelve hour work day.

Flipping through various news stations, she sighed knowing it was just bad news, followed by really bad news, then a hint of horrific news. Compared to the other species Ashley noticed that humans tended to love drama, tragedy, and hate, despite their best efforts to say otherwise. The news anchor spouted more death tolls as whole populations were still being accounted for. Scientists debated whether or not the Earth could sustain the human race much less anyone else. Politicians made predictions of an inevitable war with the alien invaders.

"They helped us win the damn war asshole," muttered Ashley as a pundit went on about the krogan threat. 'Thank God for Wrex' thought Ashley. Without him keeping the krogan together, they might have been a threat.

From what Ashley could see in the field humans were getting along just fine with the other races. In some ways she could see why they might think of the aliens as invaders. The krogan and turians had established their own 'temporary' colonies. The vorcha had been outright banned from landing on Earth. The volus in the meantime were pushing hard for dominance over the banking system citing that Earth's system was archaic.

"Breaking news..." chimed the anchor man.

By now Ashley was already mentally tuned out as she began to chug the beer.

"The sole survivor of the Citadel's wreckage has been identified."

Ashley had the bottle tilted all the way up watching the liquid swirl downward through the brown glass.

"After two years in intensive care, we now know it is none other than Jane Shepard."

"Glrrgh, ahrh," coughed Ashley as she inhaled an ounce of alcohol into her lungs. Leaning forward she continued to spit beer onto her coffee table as the words slowly settled in. Through glassy eyes she watched as they posted a picture of the commander's face on the screen. An old picture from the SR1 days.

Immediately Ashley's comm device on her omni-tool started to buzz. Answering it, she heard nothing but the happy shrieks of another woman. The only words she could make out were 'Shepard' and 'alive' but she recognized the tone. "I know, I can't believe it either Liara."


	2. Chapter 2

"London, what a shit hole," grumbled Wrex as peered out the window of a hospital waiting room. The room was located on the eightieth floor of a repurposed skyscraper. Even two years later, over half the city lay in ruin. It didn't help that half the population had been harvested or moved.

Ashley walked up behind Wrex to the window. They had traveled together on their way to visit Shepard. A month had passed before they were able to make plans to see her. Each were dressed in their respective uniforms. Wrex had a new set of black armor bearing the crest of Urdnot on his chest. Ashley wore a white and red version of her spectre suit.

She crossed her arms taking in the panoramic view. "Doesn't look as bad as the last time we were here."

"Heh, almost looks like home," said Wrex with a wry smile. "Tuchanka feels like a billion miles away."

"That's because _it is_ a billion miles away," said Ashley. With the mass relay broken, people realized just how big the galaxy really was. Some believed it would be better to focus efforts on a faster FTL drives. So far, nothing promising could be devised.

"Is anyone else coming?" asked Wrex, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Liara was here last week with Tali and Garrus..." said Ashley thinking for a moment. "Possibly some of the crew from her Cerberus days."

"Why the hell do we have to share our time with those fools?" Wrex muttered.

"You know Shepard, she has to make an impression on everyone she meets," said Ashley, smiling to herself. "Just try to behave yourself."

"Or what? Is the spectre going to arrest me?" Wrex nudged her shoulder playfully with his.

"Maybe, or I could just shoot you," said Ashley shoving him back but was unable to budge the four hundred pound krogan.

"Like you tried to on Virmire?"

Ashley froze. "How did you know?"

"Shepard told me a while back," explained Wrex keeping a stern look. "Said you had a shotgun pointed at my back while we talked."

"Yeah, so you've been holding a grudge all this time?" asked Ashley feeling nervous under his gaze. "I was only trying to protect..."

Wrex couldn't stand it any longer and let out a bellowing laugh. He slapped the spectre heartily on the back saying, "I'm just messing with you Williams."

"I'm glad there aren't any hard feelings then," she said chuckling nervously with him.

"Never was. We're both warriors. You were rightfully defending your commander. You have more krogan in you than you think," said Wrex. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he realized one hour had passed since arriving. "When's the damn nurse going to show us in?"

Ashley didn't answer, thinking only about that day on Virmire and how the mission went to hell fast. Shepard was on her way to rescue Kaidan when the nuke was overrun. The geth dropped in by the dozen. Every marine left to defend the bomb was killed except Ashley. That's when the commander arrived, flanked by Wrex and Liara, and hauled her sorry ass out of the fire. Why? Why her over Kaidan? The commander always dodged the question with simple answers. 'I had to make a choice, and I choose you Ash' she would say.

"She's ready to see you now," announced a salarian doctor.

"Bout damn time," growled Wrex.

Ashley entered the room first after getting cleared by a couple of guards. The square room had the odor of plastic, new paint, and rubbing alcohol. The center was occupied by a bed surrounded by complicated machines that beeped and whined. In that bed lay Jane Shepard, looking half asleep and ragged. Upon seeing Ashley's face, a weak smile appeared.

Speaking softly, Ashley said, "Hey skipper."

"Ash," murmered Shepard. Her body looked thin and weak from laying in bed for two years. Bandages covered her arms and legs and most of her torso. An IV tube hanging overhead dripped liquid medigel and pain meds into her bloodstream.

Wrex strutted inside, stopping at the end of the bed. Taking one look at her he nodded saying, "Shepard."

"Wrex."

"You look like shit," he said.

The smile grew a little wider on Shepard's face. "I know."

"You look fine," said Ashley giving Wrex the evil eye.

"Liar," said Shepard still smiling.

Ashley sat down on the side of the bed. She brushed Shepard's red hair from her face. Leaning down she kissed her on the cheek then asked, "How are you feeling?"

Shepard managed a painful grunt, squinting her eyes. "Better than dead."

"I'm begining to think you're indestructable Shepard," chuckled Wrex. "So what was it like up there? How was the final battle?"

"I...," Shepard wanted to tell Wrex just what happened but the words faltered. The catalyst, the choices, and the decision she made were difficult to explain in one coversation.

"We can talk about that later," said Ashley taking Shepard by the hand. "How long before you can leave the hospital?"

"A few more weeks," said Shepard squeezing Ash's hand. "The doctors said my cybernetic implants saved me in the crash. But they had to regrow parts of my body with stem cells. I'm more organic now than I was a four years ago. That's why the healing process is taking so long."

"Soon you'll be in fighting condition again," smiled Wrex. "Those damn Omega fleets need a beat down."

"Can't wait," said Shepard full of sarcasm.

"Were you awake when Liara and Tali came by?" asked Ashley.

"Yes, they filled me in on everything going in the past two years. Can't say I like the state of the galaxy," said Shepard.

"Still better than the way you left it," said Wrex. He paced over to the window where two dozen 'get well' cards were positioned on the windowsill. "I've never understood how these stupid cards are supposed to heal you."

"Wrex..." scoffed Ashley but decided to let it go.

"So I hear you're the top spectre on Earth," said Shepard changing the focus back to Ashley.

"Yeah, it's hard work but I'm happy with it," said Ashley. She paused for a second to brush her hair behind one ear. "Wish my dad and grandfather were still around to see me. Just have to hope they're watching from beyond."

"I'm sure they are," said Shepard. Truthfully, she didn't know what to make of such beliefs. Seemed more like wishful thinking but she wasn't about to tell her that. Instead, she had something more personal in mind. "I love you Ash."

"I love you too Shepard," Ashley replied with a warm smile.

Shepard sighed. She could tell by Ashley's tone she meant it in a _best friends_ sort of way. "No, Ash, I mean I'm _in love_ with you."

Ashley's eyes went wide. "Oh... I, uh."

"I'll let you two talk alone," said Wrex shaking his head and left the room.

"I've wanted to tell you since Virmire but I was already with Liara..." said Shepard. For a moment she struggled to sit up. The newly formed muscles in her abdomen ached and pulled. Finally Shepard managed to sit upright. The stunned look on Ashley's face persisted so Shepard continued, "Seeing you on Horizon was hard. Especially the way it ended. Then on Mars, you still didn't trust me so I decided not to bring it up. But now, I don't want any secrets between us."

Ashley stood up from the bed looking at the commander in disbelief. "You're telling me this now? Five fucking years later?"

"I don't blame you if you're angry, but I had to tell you. When I was on the Citadel and everything was crashing down around me. That was my one regret, not telling you how I felt," said Shepard. It was difficult to meet Ashley's sharp brown eyes. "Do you, or did you ever feel the same?"

"No." The word came out harsher than Ashley wanted it to be. The real answer was yes. There was a time when the feeling was mutual. They had been so close in the SR1 days. Both shared a common spacer background, had close military ties, and loved to shoot hostile aliens. Shepard had a renegade philosophy and Ashley backed her up at every step. Whether it be wiping out the rachni or letting the council die, they knew it served the bigger picture. Unfortunately, that love died on Horizon but the friendship lived on.

"I'm sorry Ash," said Shepard, flopping back down on her pillow.

Ashley swallowed hard keeping her anger in check. Part of her wanted to slap Shepard; the other to kiss her. Instead she decided it best to leave. "I hope you recover quickly, goodbye skipper."

As Ashley walked out Wrex came back in. He leaned against the wall, folding his arms and took a hard look at Shepard. "So you finally told her."

"Yep."

"And you made a mess of it."

"Yep."

"Ashley is a hard woman. She'll come around," said Wrex, forcing a smile for his former commander.

"You think so?" asked Shepard feeling choked up. Ash's answer wasn't what she was hoping for. Still, it felt good to get it off her chest.

"Sure, you just need to get out of that bed and give her a good kick in the ass," chuckled Wrex.

Shepard began to laugh with him. Wrex was one of the few people who had changed her view on aliens. He always had an interesting story to tell or a dark joke. "Take it easy Wrex."

"Shepard," he said then went off to catch Ashley.


	3. Chapter 3

In the passing months Ashley found her job to be increasingly difficult. The food shortage for the dextro species was getting worse. Terminus fleets threatened war against the council races. The krogan were getting restless and the asari were digging in looking to make Earth a second home. Worse of all, the relay was no closer to completion.

Shepard fared no better as her name was drug through the mud by the councilors. They blamed her for misusing the crucible and causing the mass relays to break. The turian councilor dismissed any notion of a control or synthesis function. Even citing her conversation with the 'catalyst' as a delusion brought on by bloodloss. When the court of inquiry was over, Shepard went off the radar. The Alliance didn't appreciate the council ostrasizing one of their own. A rift started to grow between the two governments.

Despite all of this, Ashley found time to attend the local dance club. She dressed up for once, wearing a dark blue dress that hugged her figure. Inside, the atmosphere was dark and smokey. Loud, rapid techno music vibrated the walls. The main dance floor was packed with humans and aliens alike. Around the club were small tables seating up to four. At one of them she found Liara and Tali waiting for her.

Ashley took a seat and greeted them. Liara had a similiar black dress on but Tali was contained in her standard suit. An asari waitress in a skimpy outfit came by and took their drink orders. Liara and Tali had light fruity drinks while Ashley had a Jack and Coke.

"How are things on the flotilla?" asked Ashley.

"No one is starving to death yet," said Tali stirring her purple hued drink. "How is work?"

"No one has started a war yet," scoffed Ashley. "How about you Liara?"

"Nothing to complain about so far. Still rebuilding my network of contacts. Most of them were killed in the reaper war," said Liara sipping her pink 'mystery drink'.

"The reaper war," sighed Ashley, "Feels good to talk about in past tense."

"I'll drink to that," said Tali.

"How about a toast then?" asked Liara holding her drink up.

"Here's to keeping the peace," said Ashley clinking her glass to theirs. She downed her glass in three steady gulps then ordered another. "By the way Liara, have you found anything on Shepard's location?"

"Her bank records show that she bought a prefab home," said Liara resting her chin in one hand. "Where, however, is an entirely different question."

"Why can't you find that out?" asked Tali.

"A prefab home can be dropped down anywhere. Colonists primarily used them. She must have moved to some remote location. I can't find her name on any city's registry," explained Liara.

Ashley took another big swig of her drink. All she could think about was their conversation in the hospital. Mentally she kicked herself. Once again, she had overreacted and hurt Shepard. Ashley had tried to contact Shepard to apologize but work always got in the way. Sometimes the words just wouldn't come out. No poem came to mind to express herself.

"What the council did to her isn't right," said Tali.

"They needed someone to blame. What Shepard said happened is incredible. To think that the crucible is capable of combining all organic and synthetic life together," said Liara. The idea of synthesis tugged at her scientific curiosity. "We may have been able to think and communicate at the speed of light."

"I'd rather be dead than turned into a synthetic freak," grumbled Ashley taking another drink.

"Same here," said Tali. She eyed Ashley's glass realizing she was nearly through her second one. "Maybe you should slow down Ash."

"I think I deserve a little R&R," said Ashley before finishing her drink to show off. In truth it was to dull her guilt.

Tali shrugged then let out a sigh. She studied Ashley's dress and envied her ability to wear whatever she wanted. Someday quarians would enjoy such freedom but not in her lifetime. If only the geth had survived to help them adapt.

"I'm going to the restroom," said Liara getting up from her seat.

"Have fun," said Ashley full of sarcasm. She ordered another drink and promptly started sipping on it.

Tali looked around to see if Liara was out of earshot. Leaning forward she asked, "So Shepard confessed her love to you."

Ashley choked on her drink then looked at Tali with wide eyes. "How the hell do you know about that?"

"Wrex told Garrus, then Garrus told me," said Tali nearly giggling. "Liara doesn't know."

"Let's keep it that way," said Ashley looking over her shoulder. "She's obcessed with Shepard. Even went looking for her body after she died. I mean, I'm glad she did and all, but geez. That's bordeline psychotic."

"Didn't Shepard break up with Liara after she became the Shadow Broker?" asked Tali sipping her drink through the induction port.

"Yeah, but she still thinks they'll get back together," said Ashley tapping her nails on the table.

"She shouldn't be angry with you anyway. It's not like you look at Shepard the same way," said Tali.

"Yeah... about that," murmured Ashley tapping her nails faster.

"You do feel the same way?!" blurted Tali nearly knocking her drink over. "Then why did you snap at Shepard?"

"Keep it down! I don't know why I did that. I was confused, or surprised. I just don't know." Ashley stared into her glass for a moment then downed the rest of it. Her own sexuality was something she had struggled with since high school. She never dated another woman but the thought was always there. Everyone at least thinks about it, she'd tell herself. When she met Shepard, those thoughts turned into feelings.

Tali rest her head in one hand as Ashley ordered another drink. "You can't fly home in this condition."

"I'm a spectre, I can do..."

"... whatever you want," finished Tali. "Shepard used to say the same damn thing every time I had to drag her out of Chora's Den."

Liara returned in time to catch the end of Tali's sentence. "What about Chora's Den?"

"Nothing. Just talking about when Shepard would get too drunk to make it back to the Normandy," explained Tali.

A smile tugged at Liara's lips. "She could be so reckless sometimes."

"That's what makes her great," said Ashley. "She always got the job done. No matter what the cost."

"The cost was high this time around," added Tali.

"But she still paid it," said Liara under her breath. Just then she noticed another asari giving her the evil eye from the bar.

"What's wrong?" asked Tali noticing the perplexed look on Liara's face.

"There's an asari at the bar staring at me like she's angry," said Liara glancing back at the offending asari.

"Where?" Ashley turned her head to see a familiar asari standing at the bar looking in their direction. "God damn it, it's Cassea."

"Who's that?" Tali and Liara asked.

"She's my coworker, a fellow spectre. She ah, has a crush on me," said Ashley giving them an embarrassed smile.

"She's coming over," warned Tali.

Cassea approached the table and took a seat. She wore a yellow v-neck shirt with skinny jeans. Faking a smile she greeted them, "Hey Ash, who's your friends?"

"Hey Cassea, this is Liara and Tali," said Ashley, her face growing red with embarrassment and alcohol.

They exchanged pleasantries then Cassea got down to business. "So, are the two of you dating or something?"

Ashley just about face-palmed. Liara exchanged a sly smile with Tali then answered for Ashley, "No we're just friends. Ash is as single as they come."

"You're a spectre right? She's told us a lot about you," added Tali barely able to hold back a laugh.

How quickly Cassea's demeanor changed was laughable. "Oh has she? I keep trying to get her hang out but she's always busy with work."

Ashley was speechless. She couldn't believe Liara and Tali were selling her out.

"Playing hard to get I'm sure. She's..." Liara couldn't finish her sentence as Ashley reached under the table and pinched her thigh. Her nails dug in hard causing Liara to make an uncomfortable face.

Tali, however, was a safe distance away. "Ashley is just shy. I bet she'd open up if you read her some poetry. She loves that stuff."

"I don't know any but I'll definitly look into it," said Cassea flashing Ashley a flirtacious smile.

"Unfortunately," said Ashley, glaring at Tali, "I don't have the time for a relationship. Plus I'm just not emotionally ready."

"Just get out of a relationship?" asked Cassea.

"You could say that," said Ashley refering to Shepard. They never got the chance to really talk about being together. She got bogged down in spectre work while Shepard took a political lashing. Now she was missing and didn't want to be found.

"You know what else Ash likes to do?" asked Liara wary of Ashley's nails.

"What's that?"

"Dance," answered Liara then recieved another hard pinch.

"I love to dance too, I'm here like every week," said Cassea.

Tali finished her drink then stood up from the table. Ever the lightweight drinker, she felt a little dizzy. She looked to her friends and said, "I think we should all go dance."

"I've never seen you dance," said Ashley looking at her quarian friend with skepticism.

"That's because I can't," said Tali with a shrug, "But what the hell?"

The four of them joined the crowd of people on the dance floor. Tali turned out to be right as she made slow awkward movements that caused some aliens to snicker. It was reminiscent of the 'Shepard shuffle'. Thankfully she didn't care. Liara did okay, enough to not get noticed for being good or bad. Ashley on the other hand, had some experience in dancing. She even bragged about her skills to Shepard but they never got the chance to go out. A regret that was eating at her now. Cassea stayed close to her, drawing Ashley in hip to hip much to the amusement of her friends.

When the night ended, they headed outside to the parking lot. When Ashley started to head for her vehicle Tali stopped her. "You shouldn't fly Ash."

"I'm fine," said Ashley then stumbled as if on cue.

"I can take her home," offered Cassea, "We live in the same apartment building."

"Guys, relax. No cop is going to give a spectre a ticket," said Ashley.

"I'm not worried about that," said Tali stepping between Ashley and the vehicle. "You might crash into something. There's a ton of tall buildings around here."

"She's right," said Liara joining in.

"You guys suck and you are the worst friends ever," said Ashley realizing they weren't going to let her fly.

"Yeah, yeah, we love you too," said Tali taking Ashley's key then handing it to Cassea.

Ashley surrendered and rode with Cassea. On the flight home she wondered how she would get her vehicle back. Cassea continuously made eyes at her while making small talk about work. Ashley sent a text to Tali and Liara with her omni-tool "I will get you back for this."

Tali replied ":P"

"I hope you had a good time," said Cassea as they neared the apartment building.

"I did," said Ashley looking out the window. All she could think about was Shepard. Where would she go and why? It wasn't like her to retreat. Any sensible answer to these questions was being clouded by the alcohol.

"We're home," said Cassea landing the vehicle in the small port beside the apartment complex.

"That was fast," mentioned Ashley. Being so focused on Shepard she hadn't noticed the flow of time.

"Are you okay commander?" asked Cassea turning the vehicle off. "You're pretty quiet."

"I've just got a lot on my mind right now," sighed Ashley staring out the window again. "I'm worried about Shepard and the relay."

"I have a few people looking for her," said Cassea turning toward Ashley. She bit her lip trying to determine if now was the time to make a move. "Every species is doing the best they can with the relay. It's a just a matter of time before the work is complete."

"Yes, but how long? Preferably in my lifetime or before another war starts," said Ashley clenching a fist.

"It won't come to that. You'll stop it. I know you can," said Cassea leaning closer.

"What makes you think that?" asked Ashley with a smirk. Turning her head she saw Cassea moving in for a kiss. A split second decision had to be made. Slap her? Yell? Kiss her back? In her confusion she simply let it happen without any effort on her part. Their lips touched for a few seconds. The lipstick Cassea wore filled Ashley's senses with a fruity flavor.

When the kiss broke Cassea looked at her commander who was wide eyed and flushed. Obviously she had made a mistake. "Sorry."

Ashley shook her head but smiled. "Forget it. I'll give you credit for trying though." 'It's more than I ever did with Shepard' thought Ashley.

"I just thought we had some chemistry there and your friends seemed to think so..." Cassea rambled on fearing she offended her commander.

"Cassea, seriously, forget it," said Ashley giving her a reassuring smile. Now her own sexuality was in question again. Perhaps if Cassea were human she wouldn't feel so awkward. The tentacle head and blue skin was distracting. The idea of 'the joining' alone put her off. Having Cassea inside her head reading every thought didn't sound pleasing.

"Any important missions on the horizon?" asked Cassea changing the subject.

"I need you to go out to the relay and bring back a report on its progress. Find out how long they think it will take to complete it," said Ashley.

"Why can't you send a message?"

"Communications are down. One of the Omega fleets probably has something to do with it. Besides, I want someone to go actually _see_ what's going on."

"Are you sending me away because I tried to..."

"No, and if try to apologize again I'll have you transferred," said Ashley. She arched her head over to kiss Cassea on the cheek to show her it wasn't a big deal.

"Will do ma'am," said Cassea smiling again.

/

The next morning Ashley woke up with a terrible hangover. Stumbling to the kitchen, she gulped down three full cups of water. After starting a pot of coffee she sat at her personal computer to check her mail. A message from the spectre office appeared at the top regarding Shepard.

A subscription to Fornax under the name Jane Shepard with an address had been located. Appearently she moved out to the northern west coast of the former United States. It wasn't a proper address, just coordinates. She shook her head letting out a sigh, "Really Shepard? This is how I find you?"

In a moment Ashley would prepare a shuttle and go see Shepard personally. First, she would need a shower and a proper meal.


	4. Chapter 4

Rain pounded the cockpit window of Ashley's Tennekont skycar. Wind tried to push the car left but she made the necessary adjustments to stay on course. Following the coordinates from the report led her to a heavily wooded area in the Oregon district. Scanners picked up a prefab home near a small clearing. The structure was the same size as Shepard's old apartment on Intai'sei. In fact, it looked like a replica; possibly made by the same company.

"Here goes," sighed Ashley as she landed the vehicle a few yards away. She hadn't thought of what to say about what happened at the hospital. That could come later. All she really wanted was to make sure Shepard was okay. Upon getting out of the vehicle she raced to the back door. The rain fell so hard that her blue Alliance uniform got soaked anyway.

Shepard had been watching TV when she saw the skycar land. When Ashley got out, she went and locked the door muttering to herself, "I don't need this right now."

Ashley buzzed the door then gave it three hard knocks. "Open up Shepard. I just want to talk."

"We don't have anything to talk about," protested Shepard through the door.

"Everyone is worried about you. What are you doing out here?" asked Ashley now shivering from the cold rain.

"I could ask you the same, just leave me alone Williams."

'She hasn't called me Williams since we first met' thought Ashley. It would take a hell of a lot more than that to get her to leave. "You're my best friend, I want to know you're okay! Open this fucking door right now or God help me I'll hack it."

"We both know you don't have any hacking or decryption skills," shot back Shepard.

She was right. Ashley didn't have the technilogical know how to hack a door. If Tali were there they'd already be inside. There was a boomstick in the car. Perhaps a shotgun blast to the lock would override it. "Don't make me use force Shepard. You know I will."

There was no answer. Suddenly the lock turned from red to green. Ashley cautiously entered the apartment. It had the same layout as the old one. A small hallway opened up to a large living room that included the kitchen. Shepard sat on her couch wearing pajama pants and a N7 jacket. Her shoulder length red hair was in tangles and messy. Ashley noticed a stale smell in the apartment. Clothing and trash littered the living room and kitchen.

"How did you find me?" asked Shepard, audibly annoyed.

Ashley spotted the Fornax magazine on the coffee table and snatched it up. She shook it at Shepard saying, "Your subscription. Why do you buy this garbage?"

"For the articles," quipped Shepard.

Ashley flipped through the magazine just to see what it was about. "Hmm, didn't know humans and krogan could do that." She prompty tossed it flapping across the room. "Talk to me Shepard. What's the matter with you?"

"They blamed me Ashley, after all I've done," said Shepard leaning back on the couch. Ashley took a seat next to her. "I don't know what else I was supposed to do."

"You did the best you could," said Ashley placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

"Everyone was counting on me to get the job done and instead..." said Shepard fighting back a few tears. "I let that genocidal AI blow up half the galaxy."

"You couldn't have known what would happen to the mass relays," said Ashley. She gently rubbed Shepard's back hoping to console the commander. "You did the best you could."

"Did I? Would it have been better if I had taken control? Or imposed sythesis on the galaxy? I... I just..." Shepard choked on her tears unable to speak further.

"Tell me," whispered Ashley taking Shepard's hand.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't knowingly kill myself," said Shepard breaking into a sob.

"Hey now," said Ashley hugging Shepard tight, "It's not your fault."

"I... should have been stronger. Should have..."

"Shhh." Ashley held her close as she cried silently. Her heart was breaking for Shepard. She had no idea she was carrying around so much guilt. "Without you, we wouldn't have made it this far. You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Shepard pulled away from Ashley wiping away her tears. Standing up, she went to the window saying, "Tell that to the geth. Tell Joker I was just doing the best I could when I killed his girlfriend."

"Joker needed a real girlfriend anyway, not a toaster with tits," said Ashley getting up and walking after Shepard. "The geth may have been life-like, but they were still just machines."

"You weren't there Ash. You didn't get to know Legion. You didn't get to spend months with EDI and watch her evolve..."

Ashley cut her off, "If this is about me not joining you on Horizon, I'm sorry. God knows I'm sorry for that. You have to admit I wasn't wrong about Cerberus in the end."

"No, you weren't wrong, but I didn't let it go that far. Tali and Garrus trusted me enough..."

"You were dead!" Ashley interrupted, "I saw you die with my own eyes. Then you showed up out of no where working for Cerberus. What was I supposed to think of that?"

"Maybe have a little more faith in me?" said Shepard sharply.

"I'm not a mindless drone who's going to follow you into every hell hole you step into," shot back Ashley. "Your the one who turned your back on me and the Alliance!"

"The Alliance wasn't doing anything about the colonies Ash," said Shepard pacing around the coffee table angrily. "Not that it matters now. Billions of people are still dead! In the end, nothing I did during those years mattered. Stopping Sovereign only bought us more time, which the council squandered. We should have been building fleets of dreadnaughts! Not chasing down the collectors."

"You have to let all of that go Shepard... what's done is done and it's not going to change," said Ashley taking Shepard by the arm but she pulled away again.

"How can I let it go? Stopping the reapers was all I thought about for over three years. Three terrible years of constant fighting and death. Every time I go to sleep, every time I wake up, I think about if things had ended differently."

"It's over Shepard. It's not going to change. You'll have to accept that or you'll drive yourself crazy," said Ashley feeling great concern for her friend. "Come back to Vancouver..."

"Get out Ash. You'll never understand. You've never had to make the hard choices," said Shepard bitterly.

"The galaxy still needs you Shepard," said Ashley biting back her own anger.

"To do what?! Fix the relays and restore council space? Stand back and rejoice! Shepard will save the day!" Shepard threw out her arms in mocking celebration.

"If not for the galaxy then do it for me," pleaded Ashley. "If you really loved me..."

"I do, and you threw it in my face. Why would I want to come back to that?" asked Shepard with accusatory eyes.

"Too much time had passed and too much has happened. I did love you years ago but you chose Liara. Then you get yourself killed and joined Cerberus. Sometimes I feel like you're not even the same person I met on Eden Prime," explained Ashley.

Shepard turned away and walked back to the window. "I was different back then. The whole fucking galaxy was different back then. Now look at it..."

Ashley came up behind Shepard, wrapping her arms around her. She rest her chin on the commander's shoulder whispering, "It's still not the same without you."

"Don't make this more difficult Ash, please leave me alone," muttered Shepard.

"Make me," teased Ashley hugging the commander tighter.

"I'm not playing around Ashley," warned Shepard as she tried to break free.

"Neither am I," grunted Ashley as she kept her grip. "I'll arrest you if I have to."

Shepard tried to break free but the stubborn marine wouldn't let go. She tripped Ashley with her foot only to be pulled down with her. They smashed into the coffee table flattening it. Rolling across the floor they fought for the upper hand. Ashly wound up on top saddling Shepard's stomach. She grabbed Shepard's hands pinning them over her head.

"Heh, what's the matter Shepard?" grunted Ashley with a confident smile. "Getting too old?"

"I'm only four years older than you. Unless you don't count the two I was dead," said Shepard, still struggling to free herself.

"Maybe you're just out of shape," said Ashley maintaining her grip.

"Near death experiences will do that to you."

"So, are you coming back quietly or do I actually have to tie you up?"

"Fine," huffed Shepard and stopped resisting. For a moment she allowed herself to get lost in Ashley's dark brown eyes. "You've changed too."

"How so?"

"You're a strong leader now. At this rate I'll be taking orders from you someday..." said Shepard then felt Ashley's grip lighten. She seized the opportunity to shift her weight and roll Ashley over in one quick motion. "But I'm still your better."

"Not fair, I was distracted," said Ashley as Shepard pinned her by the shoulders.

"There are no rules in war," smirked Shepard.

"Is that so?" Ashley reached up with one free hand to run her fingers through Shepard's tangled red hair.

Their eyes met again. Shepard took Ashley's hand, kissing the palm and wrist. The taste of her skin was exquisite. The scent of coconut skin lotion filled her nose. She gently touched Ashley's cheek and asked, "Do you think we could start over?"

Ashley believed she knew what she wanted now. Her hand edged behind Shepard's head pulling her down. The kiss was welcomed and felt natural like fresh air. Hands and fingers interlocked as the kiss intensified with every passing moment. Ashley wrapped her legs around Shepard's torso then rolled her onto her back again. She sat up looking down at the commander saying, "I think we could give this another try. I can probably get you an apartment at the spectre compound unless... you want to move in with me."

"Sounds like a big step Ash," said Shepard teasing.

"Well we've known each other for so long and it would make rent a lot cheaper."

"That's fine. What's to become of my home here? I paid thirty thousand credits for it."

"Is that all?"

"It's a buyer's market."

Ashley thought for a moment. "If it's all paid off then we could use it as a vacation spot. Can't say I like the location. I'm sure the reapers cleared up some beach front property."

Shepard gave her a disparaging look. "Too soon Ash."

"Sorry, I keep forgetting you haven't been awake long enough to deal with the aftermath," said Ashley.

"It's okay. I guess it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps clean my home too."

"That would be a good idea. If you're going to live with me I'm not going to be your maid," said Ashley then helped Shepard stand up.

"How about dressing like a maid instead?" Shepard smirked.

"Do I need to have Wrex straighten you out?" asked Ashley punching Shepard in the shoulder.

"Nevermind then," said Shepard rubbing her shoulder. "So what do you have planned for me?"

"First I'll need to get you reinstated as a spectre, again. Then we get down to business," explained Ashley. Tensions were growing high around the planet and something was amiss at the relay. If anyone could help Ashley solve these problems, it was Shepard.

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: Now that the romance has been established, I'm going to take a break from this fic for awhile. I have a few other projects I want to get out of the way first. Hope you enjoyed and please review.


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